


Parallel Lines

by jazzaiko



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark, Domestic, Enemies to Brothers?, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving On, Music Video: Obsession (EXO), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Survivor Guilt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, X-EXO Clone Kim Jongdae | Chen, X-EXO Clones (EXO)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:08:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28051422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzaiko/pseuds/jazzaiko
Summary: Jongdae tries to move on from his past; but he returns anyway, no thanks to a certain someone.Or, when Jongdae is forced to stay with Chën
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Jongdae | Chen
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39
Collections: EXODEUX Round 1





	Parallel Lines

**Author's Note:**

  * For [generallou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/generallou/gifts).



> Self-Prompt
> 
>   
> Thank you to the mods for allowing me so much extension.  
> Thank you my dear beta who is the biggest Chënchen supporter! This is for you.  
> And thank you to my dear friends, my pillars of support.  
> I can't finish this fic without you all.
> 
> Please watch out for potentially-triggering contents:  
> PTSD, traumatic event, past character death, a lot of negative self-talk, guilt, suicidal thoughts, attempted self-harm

"Are you sure you don't wanna come with us, hyung?" Sehun coaxes, gazing at him expectantly. “We're free now, and we can go anywhere. You can pick where to go.” 

Jongdae weighs his options. After a long period of missions and combat, exploring a whole new region he has never visited before sounds interesting. It would be nice to see the white sands and play with the blue seawater, to feel the cooling, fresh mountain air instead of the stale, dry air of the town. 

But it might also mean he would trouble his members. In the end, he shakes his head with a timid smile. “It's ok. I like it here.”

Sehun’s expression falls with disappointment for a split second, it’s easy to miss, but still, it makes Jongdae feel bad. Sehun looks the best when he’s happy and content, and Jongdae doesn’t like it when the younger one is frowning. Jongdae feels warmth engulfing his upper body; Sehun’s arms around him, his chin pressing on his shoulder. Jongdae leans, enjoying it for he will definitely not experience this again for who knows how long. 

Sehun breaks off from the hug and puts on a smile, albeit it’s obvious he’s a little sad. “Take care, hyung. Text us anytime if you need – food, help, anything.” 

“I will,” Jongdae replies, his lips stretch wide in response. He lifts his hand and waves. He sees Sehun and Kai waving back, before they turn to each other, entwining their hands. Jongdae blinks and the next second, the two of them are gone. Jongdae isn’t sure where Kai teleports them to, but he wishes both of them happiness.

There used to be nine of them. Nine who survived, nine who succeeded out of thousands of participants. And the nine of them became part of team EXO, a super-powered secret unit under the Red Force. They went on missions, once believing they were doing good for humanity until one day they realized they were just being exploited for capitalism and abuse of power. They rebelled, of course, and it ignited a movement, a revolution.

With the downfall of SM Corps along with its division Red Force, their main opposition is no more. Some of his team members dreamed of exploring the world. Some thought of merging with society. Some of them were no longer in this world. So the six of them went their separate ways out of the city, except him.

Jongdae makes his way out, leaving the quiet park. 

  
  


⚫

  
  


Moving on. It seems simple, those two words, but it is harder than it seems. He attempts one step at a time.

The first step is to return to his old name, his former identity. He is no longer Chen of team EXO, he is now just Jongdae. He is no longer a secret soldier nor part of the rebels, but a normal citizen. Although it does bring fond memories of his time with the team, his friendship with his members, and exciting missions, the name “Chen” is associated with too many things Jongdae wants to put behind for good. 

The second is the place he stays in. Jongdae is now living in an apartment unit he rented – a simple unit with two rooms, a kitchen, and a separate bathroom. It has minimal furniture, but Jongdae doesn’t mind. It’s cozy and clean. It does get a little lonely, maybe because he used to stay with a raucous bunch in the shared lodging. Not to mention the other room in this unit is still empty too. But here he can do whatever he wants, free from 24/7 surveillance.

It has been two weeks since Sehun and Kai left. The sunlight passes through the curtain, illuminating the living room, too bright for his eyes that somehow feels drier than usual. His body is still stiff but Jongdae pushes himself off the bed anyway. There's always something to do. Preparing for his class. His usual morning routine. 

He is about to leave his unit when he hears the knock on the door. It opens, revealing an old lady with short white hair and a warm smile. “Jongdae, good morning.”

"Good morning, Mrs. Choi." Jongdae gives a polite nod to his landlord. He remembers what he needs to do and rummages through his backpack, taking out a brown envelope. “Here’s the rent for this month, Mrs. Choi.”

Mrs. Choi returns his smile and takes the money. “Thank you, dear Jongdae."

Jongdae nods again. “Thank you for letting me stay and pay for one room all this time.”

"You're most welcome. By the way, do you have any friend from campus who is looking for a place to stay or something?” Mrs. Choi asks with a lilting, playful tone, her eyes shining with mirth. “Maybe you would want to ask them to move into the other room so you have company.”

Jongdae chuckles lightly and shakes his head. "Unfortunately not, Mrs. Choi." 

But before he can leave, Jongdae feels a sudden pressure on his shoulder, making him jump. Out of reflex, his hands ball into a fist. His breath hitches, his body feels as if it is in the urge of a flight or fight situation. 

When he turns around, he realizes it’s just Mrs. Choi, gently patting him on the shoulder. In his mind, there’s a litany of _calmdowncalmdown_ as he does his best to compose himself. She lifts her eyebrows, eyes searching for something on Jongdae’s face. "Is everything okay though, dear? You seem tired, look at those eyebags.” Her expression turns into a frown. “Did you sleep well? Do you need anything?"

Mrs. Choi is kind and caring, but all this concern is unnecessary. Despite him groaning internally, Jongdae tries to put on his biggest smile. "It's fine, Mrs. Choi. I just stayed up overnight to finish assignments, that's all." 

Mrs. Choi doesn't seem too convinced. Before she asks more questions, Jongdae scoots closer towards the exit door. "I have to go to a class soon! See you later, Mrs. Choi."

"Take care, Jongdae." Her tone sounds worried, but Jongdae takes his leave anyway.

  
  


⚫

  
  


At first, Jongdae thinks he has moved on because the world around him has. Time keeps ticking, the sun still rises and sets. 

Life post-revolution is difficult but people are eventually getting back to their usual daily activities. Jongdae observes that the ruined buildings around have been fixed and rebuilt. The market is bustling with life. There was almost no sign that an event happened just a few months ago, changing people's views and wiping out lives in a matter of days. The only reminder is the remains of the SM Corps building with chains and barricades surrounding the area. It feels surreal that that corporate giant lost its supremacy and crumbled all of a sudden after all their rotten affairs were brought to light. And it feels unreal that Jongdae once took part in bringing them down. Jongdae quickly dashes away from the area, not wanting to linger here too long and trigger unwanted memories. 

As he gets nearer to the campus, he encounters more familiar faces and greetings. Jongdae plasters a smile on his face, polite and warm as always, but with enough distance so people don't pry into his business. No one needs to know his past. Most of them are just curious anyway. Not long after he gets into his class, the lecturer arrives and the lesson begins. 

To be exact, Jongdae doesn’t need to even study at all. The money he earned and saved from his previous work in EXO was enough to secure him for life. Jongdae has nothing else he wants to do, but he can't let himself do nothing. He needs something to do. Guys around his age were supposed to be studying, so he enrolled in a university. 

Out of the courses offered, he had decided to study music. Music comforts and grounds him, it is something that he likes and is good at other than conjuring and manipulating thunder. It’s also an opportunity to turn over a new leaf, learning something that is not about combat or fighting.

But it hadn't been easy. He did struggle but it’s not really about the lessons and the assignments. 

It’s more about himself.

Sometimes, Jongdae feels as if he is trapped in the past. He keeps reminding himself that the situation has changed: the revolution is over, these people are normal citizens, some are even his classmates. 

However, old habits die hard. The training and his combat experiences have been hardwired in his mind and body for years, they are hard to let go of. His ears are still as sharp as ever, catching the sound of footsteps behind. He can sense the looming presence of someone following him. The hairs at the back of his neck rise in goosebumps, uncomfortable with the presence that is mysterious but strangely familiar. 

Who is it? He turns around to check, narrowing his eyes, squinting as he scans the area.

There is no one. 

Strange. This has been happening a few days already, whenever he goes to the campus, to buy groceries, and goes home. 

Maybe it was just his feeling, he thinks, as he closes the door behind him and locks it.

  
  


⚫

  
  


That tunnel. 

That dark, concrete room. 

Why was he back here again? It has been months since he was here. Months since Minseok died. 

Minseok, or going by his code name Xiumin, the oldest member of their team. Xiumin, who was always kind and doting, who puts others before him. Xiumin, who was on the ground, blood splattered everywhere, his eyes staring at Jongdae, unblinking as his soul slowly left him. 

Jongdae sees it again as if it was his first time. He falls to his knees, shaking Xiumin’s cold body, screaming his name again and again only to hear silence in response. 

_You're useless._

Jongdae covers his ears. Stop. 

_You can't even save him._

Shut up.

_What is the use of having powers if you can't even save those who matter?_

Please, stop. This isn’t real.

Jongdae jolts awake, heaving short, unsteady breath. It was just a flashback, he reminds himself. Tears roll down from his eyes, not sure if out of sadness, fear, or relief. It's weird, he barely shed a tear during Xiumin, D.O., and Lay’s funerals – why now? Was it because he has been missing their presence so much until it manifested in his dream?

He hears thunder rumbling outside, the rain pounding against the glass window. He can feel the sparks in the air, the energy calling out to him, tickling his senses. It would be so easy to command them and the thunder would bend to his will.

He won't do it this time though. 

The ability he has is indeed extraordinary and one of a kind - that's what the people from SM Corps remarked when his power emerged after times of trial and error. It came from a painful process. But thinking of his struggling family and the compensation he could get, he had nothing to lose and he persisted. 

Jongdae has seen how much his ability to command and manipulate thunder and weather could do. He also has seen how much damage it is capable of. And he has had enough of it. No more fighting. No more destroying. Especially when he knows how his power is able to demolish cities and kill innocents, to be exploited against his will. He wouldn't repeat the same mistake again. His power is his and he vows to not use it for death and destruction anymore.

Thankfully, he no longer has to use it. 

Jongdae lies back to the mattress and pulls his blanket, trying to sleep again, unsuccessfully.

  
  


⚫

  
  


Life goes on. His routine always starts by waking up. Sometimes he is luckier to start his morning in peace, sometimes with cold sweat and bated breath. But he gets up anyway, studying, getting his dinner, then going home. It's tiring, living like this, but it's better than dozing and moping around. Being busy helps him drive the negative thoughts off his mind.

However, the feeling of someone following him never subsides. On the contrary, it grows.

He has just returned from the campus when the security guard in the apartment calls out. “Jongdae, is it?” 

Jongdae approaches the booth, putting on a smile despite the increasing wariness in his heart. “Yes, what’s the matter?” 

The old man gets up, rummaging the shelves behind him. He returns with an envelope. “This came in for you.” 

“Thank you.” Jongdae receives the envelope. He flips it around, trying to find any identification of the sender. But the envelope is all white, free from any writings. It’s weird. Who sent him this?

“By any chance, do you have a brother?” The security guard’s voice makes him snap his head up. Jongdae shakes his head, he doesn’t have any. His parents are long gone, and he only found out just a few months ago.

“Ah, nevermind then. Maybe it was just my old eyes.” 

Jongdae is unsure what the guard means by that, but he proceeds to his unit anyway. He flicks the light on and stares at the envelope. There is really nothing written on it, not even his name or address, which means this letter is delivered by hand. Who is it? Did Kai visit? Before he texts Kai though, Jongdae decides to open the letter first.

_“It has been a while.”_

There’s only that one sentence written on the card. Not a signature, no name, nothing. 

Who sent him this? 

He decides to text Kai. "Did you visit, by any chance?"

A reply comes a few moments later. "Visit you, hyung? No, I didn't. Why?"

So it is not Kai. 

His suspicion grows when the next day, the guard passes him another letter. 

_“How’s life been? Do you remember me, perhaps? I can’t wait to see you.”_

  
  


⚫

  
  


Although Jongdae can keep his mind occupied during the day, he can't do it at night. He has no control of the things his subconsciousness produces, weird, terrifying dreams involving his friends that always end up with terror and helplessness. Jongdae wonders if all those nightmares he had have started to affect his mind, on how he perceives his reality.

When he opens the door, he sees the person he doesn’t want to see the most. The exact same face as his own, as if he is looking into the mirror.

Immediately Jongdae slams the door shut. His heart pounds loudly, his knees shaking uncontrollably. He drops to the floor, pressing his back against the wall beside the door. He waits, getting ready in case his door is busted open, for the worst situation ever. 

One second, two seconds pass, and nothing happens. He opens the door again. The person is gone.

Was it just his imagination? 

He can't find the answer by himself, so he texts his members about his concern. After all, they know him, they are the ones who experienced the same thing as him, suffered the same, fighting for freedom and justice together for years. 

“Do you guys feel those too?” The feeling of terror, the presence of someone following them.

“No, I think you are just too stressed,” that was what Chanyeol replied.

“Take it easy, Jongdae. Chill and relax,” Baekhyun types, also sending photos of himself making funny faces, most likely in an attempt to make Jongdae laugh. 

Jongdae did laugh. However, he is still feeling uneasy. All his senses keep screaming at him of danger. What if it is true?

It makes him wary every time he opens the door. This morning, he is relieved to see a familiar face. “Oh, Mrs. Choi, good morning.”

“Good morning, dear Jongdae," Mrs. Choi chirps, full of spirit which is interesting for someone her age. Jongdae steps back, giving space for her to go inside. "Oh, no need. I’m just letting you know, there’s someone who will come in this week.”

“Oh really? What is his name? How is he like?” Jongdae perks up. It is nice to have a new friend. He wants to know what his future housemate is like because they will be living together. 

Her smile turns mysterious. “Well, he doesn’t want me to tell you yet. But I’m sure you two will get along well.” 

  
  


⚫

  
  


Soon Jongdae finds out who is the mysterious housemate. 

Waking up, he hears knocks on the front door. What he sees after opening the unit door makes his heart almost stop. 

The other person is just like him, but with black and blue eyes. The same black hair, but slicked and parted in the middle. The face that Jongdae thought he would never see in his life ever again. Chën. 

Why is he here? Chën, a clone made by the Red Force based on Jongdae. Chën, who was meant to be his equal, and later his opponent when Team EXO left the Red Force. Chën, who shouldn’t even be alive.

"Good morning, dear Jongdae. Glad to know you aren't leaving for class yet," Mrs. Choi greets with her usual sweet voice, snapping Jongdae's attention back to reality.

Jongdae forces a smile to mask his surprise. "Oh good morning, Mrs. Choi. What's going on?" 

"Ah, yes," Mrs. Choi refers to the man standing beside her and smiles. "Remember the other day I said someone will come in? I never thought it would be your long lost brother, Chën! Why did you never tell me you have a brother living overseas?" She ends it with a chuckle.

Jongdae stares at Chën in disbelief. Long lost brother living overseas? What is this bullshit? For Chën to manipulate an elderly lady and make use of her kindness that way… To his dismay, Chën has the audacity to play along, acting demure and shy. However, once his eyes meet Jongdae's, they glimmer with a challenge, as if daring Jongdae to expose him to Mrs. Choi.

Jongdae refuses to entertain him. And he definitely does not want to stay here longer. He excuses himself and runs off to his campus, but not before looking back every few meters to make sure Chën does not follow him. 

Time seems to move very slowly. The lectures go in one ear and out the other. His mind keeps fleeing to Chën and Mrs. Choi, he has to force himself to focus in class. When all his classes for the day are done, however, he lingers longer than usual, not ready to face his new housemate yet. He can’t stay for long though, the campus security guard chases him off before locking the building so Jongdae has no choice but to head home.

On his way, he keeps praying, hoping that whatever he saw in the morning was all a dream, that this whole day is just a dream. But when he reaches home, the same person is still there in the apartment unit, sitting on the living room couch, greeting him. 

“You definitely took a long, sweet time at the school, huh, Chen.” 

Jongdae can hear a voice very much like his own but laced with evil and deceit. He bites his lips. "You are not real." 

Jongdae takes a step back, and another. He still refuses to admit it. This must be a dream. This must be another nightmare. His panic increases when a hand grips his all of a sudden and he tries hard shaking it off. In a moment, Jongdae feels his back hit against the wall with his chin tilted up, forcing him to see the other man. 

"I'm pretty sure I'm very real, my dear Chen." 

The grip tightens around his wrist, hard enough to bruise, reminding Jongdae that this is not a fragment of his imagination. 

"Don't call me Chen. I'm not you," Jongdae spits back, trying to push the other man away. Sensing danger, Jongdae’s battle instinct, ingrained in his body after years of training, starts to kick in. The air around them begins to crackle. 

"I won't do that if I were you," Chën warns, pressing his body further to pin Jongdae against the wall, limiting his movements. "We are in an enclosed space, with so many eyes around. I don't think you told your landlord and neighbors that you are _different_ , am I right?"

Jongdae hates to admit that Chën was right. After closing his eyes and forcing himself to take some counts of breath, he wills his thunder to calm down. Chën's lips, very much like his own but adorned with piercings, curls up in a half-smile, pleased as he takes a step back.

"But how…?" Jongdae recalls the time he sent the power generator into overdrive, short-circuiting everything and exploding the room, the ceiling crumbling with Chën right at the bottom of it. “How could you survive? And alive?”

"You know yourself well, it won't be enough to kill me, to kill _us_ ," Chën purrs, his thumb caressing Jongdae's cheek, rubbing circles on it. Teasing. "Always so soft, ChenChen. So kind, unlike your other guys." 

Both the touch and the term of endearment send shivers down Jongdae's spine. Seeing his face brings back memories of the battles between his team and the Red Force. Everything about Chën makes him uncomfortable. Can he chase him out of here? But first, why is he here? 

"What do you want? Revenge?" Jongdae raises his voice and glares, faking bravado. "Just so you know, the rest isn't here." 

Chën shook his head. "Nah. Not that."

"Then what?"

Chën doesn't immediately answer. He shoots Jongdae a look with his heterochromatic eyes, his gaze darker by every second as he runs his tongue over his snake bites piercing. Jongdae feels like a helpless prey trapped in a predator's claws. 

"I want you."

“Huh? You want… me?” Jongdae goes blank. What does he mean by that? Various scenarios and thoughts appear in his mind. What is Chën planning to do? He has seen how ruthless his clone could be in battles. Will he make Jongdae suffer in a slow, painful death? 

“If not, why would I even sign up to be your housemate?"

It feels as if ice water had just been poured over Jongdae, being reminded that he is supposed to stay with his former enemy. He can’t believe this.

“Relax, why are you so scared?” Laughter bubbles up from Chën’s lips, but instead of lifting up the mood, it brings discomfort. 

“What the hell.” 

When Jongdae looks up again, Chën is studying his expression and seems to notice the conflict on Jongdae’s face. Surprisingly, he doesn’t reply with harsh comebacks. His expression softens and he steps back, leaving the room; leaving Jongdae with confusion. 

What does Chën want? 

All Jongdae knew about Chën was that he was a member of X-EXO, a team consisting of clones created based on team EXO's members. It scared Jongdae how the Red Force even managed to successfully clone humans. X-EXO was affiliated with SM Corps and the Red Force, while team EXO was against them. Because they have always clashed against X-EXO, it had given Jongdae the impression that X-EXO guys were never up to any good. Not to mention, they had been behind the attacks on EXO’s hideout and some other incidents. 

Jongdae can’t stop wondering – had he unintentionally angered the gods or something that fate would lead him to the biggest plot twist ever: forcing him to live with his sworn enemy? He is not comfortable with it, he wants to protest, he wants Chën out from his only safe space. He considers contacting his members to bring his clone down. But how to do so without raising Mrs. Choi's suspicion? He doesn't want to reveal his past and cause panic to the elderly lady who has been so kind to him.

Perhaps Jongdae has to bear with it, for now.

  
  


⚫

  
  


Living with his clone for a few days, Jongdae finally comes to a conclusion: Chën is an enigma. It’s difficult to figure out what is in his mind. 

One moment, he appears to be caring and helpful. It's early in the morning, and Jongdae stares in disbelief at Chën in the kitchen, heating up a frying pan on the stove in front of him. Chën is cooking breakfast. Wow. Jongdae can’t believe he will ever see such a domestic sight of someone who used to be so ruthless on the field. Still, he can't understand why. Was Chën planning to win his heart then poison him?

After some beats of silence and tension building uncomfortably between them, Chën raises one eyebrow, “What do you want?”

Jongdae doesn’t know what to answer. He just stands there, observing with caution while biting his lips nervously. 

Chën shakes his head and sighs. “Come on, I’m not poisoning you. What do you want? Scrambled egg? Omelette?”

“I’m not hungry.” Jongdae turns around and directly goes off to campus. But his stubbornness is probably carried over to his clone because the next morning he sees Chën in the kitchen again. 

At other times, Chën is all teasing, poking around, testing the limits of Jongdae's patience. During the first few days, Jongdae was annoyed by it, but over the next days, he started to learn to get used to Chën’s snarky remarks greeting him home.

It is strange having someone to live with again. To come back home, see the room lights on, and have someone sitting in the living room greeting him instead of the dark, empty living room he usually returns home to. 

  
  


⚫

  
  


A message just arrived on Jongdae’s phone. Mrs. Choi just texted him, saying that she would like to invite him and Chën for dinner. 

Jongdae grunts, internally wanting to scream. Why does this keep happening to him? The neighbors, whom Jongdae sometimes encounters at the elevator and at the apartment lobby, coo at the two of them when they went out for grocery shopping some time ago. They are not real brothers, damn it. Damn Chën for acting, for always putting up a loving brother front, while teasing and annoying him to no end once they are at home. 

He sighs, before getting up and knocking on the other’s door. The door opens, revealing a sleepy-looking Chën with messy, unstyled hair. “What?” Chën asks curiously, the chain dangling from his piercing moves as he tilts his head to the side. Of course, he would be, Jongdae never visited his room before this.

Despite his initial hesitation, Jongdae explains about the dinner invitation from their landlord. To his surprise, Chën laughs. “So you want to play brothers in front of Mrs. Choi? It’s funny, coming from you who is always the hesitant one.”

Jongdae fumes. “Or would you rather have her know who we really are?”

After some arguments, they come to an agreement. On how to act, and their shared so-called ‘background story’.

On the d-day, Mrs. Choi appears in front of their door with her usual kind smile and a hamper of food in hand. Jongdae helps set up the table and utensils. Chën charms their elderly landlord with his sweet-talking, making sure she thinks of them as nothing else other than two loving brothers. 

Throughout the dinner, Jongdae is tense. What if Mrs. Choi sees through their acting? He tries to act normal, pushes himself to at least smile at Mrs. Choi’s funny anecdotes. He steals glances at Chën who is sitting beside him on the table, in awe of how the other seems to be at ease, so natural in playing his role. 

Occasionally, Chën asks Jongdae’s opinion about things, to which Jongdae shyly answers to. “You want this?” Chën offers, picking up a bowl of side dish. Jongdae doesn’t refuse. Chën even goes the extra length to put some of it on Jongdae’s plate. 

Mrs. Choi coos at the gesture, “What sweet brothers!” 

If only Mrs. Choi knew the truth. 

Thank goodness, finally, the dreaded dinner is over. Mrs. Choi seems happy with them both, even patting their heads affectionately like her own sons before she leaves.

One thing Jongdae realizes from the dinner: he does not mind Chën’s presence around him that much, especially if he is nice and caring like earlier. But he wishes to know: is this the real Chën? Why did he suddenly appear? What does the clone have in mind for him?

  
  


🔴

  
  


From the moment Chën opened his eyes, he had one goal, to eliminate team EXO. He fought and fought, until that day he faced his counterpart. The building collapsed between the two of them, putting the end to the fight.

After getting out from the rubbles with much effort, Chën found out that not only the building, the Red Force and SM Corps too have crumbled. But still, he stood by his goal. If anything, he was more determined to accomplish it because he was the only one left to finish this mission. It was devastating to be the last one standing among his team, but he vowed to avenge his fallen members and finish what he was tasked to do.

Chën slowly searched where EXO members were and discovered that only his counterpart Chen remained living here. Chen took a class in a university in their city and now goes by the name Jongdae. Chën also found out that the apartment unit Jongdae is staying in has one available room for rent.

Making use of their exact same appearance, Chën devised a plan. He will move in together with Jongdae. Once he has earned Chen's trust, Chën will eliminate the other and assume Jongdae's identity. From what he knew from their encounters, Jongdae is one of the nicest EXO members, and they literally share the same character. Remove his piercings, insert colored contacts in his eye, restyle his hair, and no one will ever know. Sounds like a perfect plan. It would be a piece of cake.

In reality, however, it was really hard to even get close. Jongdae has changed. He looks more glum and distant compared to the fiery-eyed soldier full of justice Chën first met. Jongdae still has some kindness in him, like how he quietly left some food for the other or when he did chores Chën forgot to do. After laundry day, Chën found his clothes already folded and put neatly in his room. He never made a fuss if Chën did anything at home. At first, Jongdae is clearly annoyed by Chën’s taunts but over time he learns to accept and sometimes, plays along with it. 

But Jongdae kept his walls up. 

Maybe Chën has to change plans, and kill Jongdae when he is asleep. 

So once Jongdae came home, showered, and then went off to his bedroom, Chën patiently waited until the rustles in the other room settled down, indicating that Jongdae had fallen asleep. Chën gets off his own bed, tiptoes, and tries to open his room door with as little sound as possible. 

Jongdae's room looks similar to his, furnished with a bed, a wardrobe, a desk, and a chair. The differences are the stacks of books and papers, a speaker, and a music player on Jongdae's desk. He finds Jongdae snuggly tucked under his blanket. Chën approaches the bed, observing how the other's chest rises and falls in a steady pattern. He also notices the curl of his lashes on his closed eyes. 

Ah, so this is how he looks when he sleeps.

His eyes travel down to Jongdae's lips, relaxed and curled up as if it was meant to be that way - to smile. Chën can’t forget the little shy smiles Jongdae has during the dinner with Mrs. Choi. It was probably one of the very few occasions where Chën gets to see him having other expressions than poker face and anxiety. It was refreshing to see. And Chën won't lie, he wants to see that smile again.

Okay, enough of staring.

Chën extends his hand, positioning it to hover over Jongdae's chest. Only one powerful shock on his heart and it will stop beating. A clean and swift method, no limbs to be severed, no blood spilled, and he will accomplish one of his goals.

Just when Chën is about to start, however, something inside of him starts whispering questions into his mind. Must he do it? After he finishes Jongdae, then what's next? There is no more Red Force who would punish him if he failed, or reward him if he succeeded. He is reminded of the past few days they have spent, and without Jongdae around, Chën won't have someone to tease again. He would be all alone again. 

_No, my mission is to eliminate the EXO, I must do it,_ Chën tells himself. _Go away, hesitation._ He takes in a deep breath, steadying his resolve. He is ready to deliver the strongest electric shock, when all of a sudden, Jongdae's breath turns ragged and erratic. His eyebrows twitch, tilted up, almost joined together. 

"Stop… please." 

Chën freezes on the spot. Jongdae never sounds this weak and desperate. Did Jongdae sense him coming and trying to beg for his life?

Chën waits, observing how Jongdae's face scrunch in discomfort, his head turning left and right anxiously. His eyes are still closed, but Chën knows something is definitely happening to the other.

"D.O., please, don't go that way…"

A nightmare, huh, Chën concludes. He is about to continue what he plans to do, when Jongdae suddenly screams, curling inside as if he is trying to make himself as small as possible, with hands pressed hard against his ears. He doesn’t stop shaking, tears rush from his eyes and his screams turn into sobs. 

_It seems… painful._

Chën doesn't know how to react. It’s the first time he saw Jongdae like this. The Jongdae he knew isn't a crybaby, isn't weak. He's cold yet somehow caring, always putting a strong front. What did Jongdae see in his sleep, what did he go through until he became like this? 

Seeing Jongdae this vulnerable tugs at something inside his chest. It feels wrong, how his heart constricts painfully that for a moment it feels as if he is the one hurt instead. His resolve wavers.

What is happening to him? _Come on,_ Chën reminds himself. _Just one more step and I can finish off one of the EXO._

But for some reason, his hand can’t stop shaking, his sparks won’t come out.

What is wrong with him?

Chën is torn between his decisions. But one thing he knows, he shouldn't be here. What if Jongdae wakes up? He quickly leaves and closes the door before Jongdae comes to consciousness.

In the morning, Chën keeps a close watch on Jongdae. Thankfully, Jongdae doesn’t seem to know that Chën went into his room last night. He doesn’t look or act differently from usual. Still cold, still putting up his guard, still rejecting his breakfast. He notices that Jongdae has been going home later than usual, but other than that, Jongdae still acts the same the next day, and the day after.

Then, what did Chën see that night? Why did Jongdae seem to be in pain? And why does it cause him to have mixed things in his chest? Instead of the desire to destroy, there is something else. He doesn't want to see Jongdae like that night again.

Chën wants to ask the other, but how is he supposed to ask without letting Jongdae know that Chën broke into his room? 

How is he supposed to deal with this weird feeling?

  
  


⚫

  
  


The sky lights up, the sun has risen. Jongdae is unsure whether to thank or despise the fact that he is still alive for another day.

Living is getting harder nowadays. His body and subconsciousness are on extremely high alert even in the comfort of his own apartment unit, draining the little energy he has. Jongdae still has trouble sleeping too, depriving him of rest. It got worse ever since Chën came. But how to loosen up when one of the reasons why three of his friends are dead is living under the same roof as him?

Not to mention the exam period is coming. He has to spend extra hours of his day reviewing and preparing until late at night. His mind may be occupied by something else, but the stress and late-night studies are exhausting him further and it really doesn't help the moment he lies on his bed and closes his eyes. 

He looks at the mirror in the bathroom. Messy curly black hair, hollowed cheeks, and a pair of gaunt, sad eyes with dark circles underneath are staring back at him. Is this how he looks like now? He can’t recognize himself anymore. 

Where was that Chen, the brave and cheerful soldier with kind eyes and a warm smile? That Chen was probably gone the moment the final battle started and ended. And the moment Xiumin, D.O, and Lay died, that’s when he realized that Chen may never come back again. 

Chen might have survived physically, but emotionally not. Endless nightmares reminding him of his past and failure keep haunting him. How could he live like this? 

He thought the moment the war ended, everything would be better for all of them. He thought if he direct his energy and attention somewhere else, he could break free.

But no, the nightmares wouldn't stop. 

He can’t do this. He can’t do this anymore. Why is he still here? He should have died along with them too.

He stares at the mirror one more time, and an idea flashes in his mind. 

He picks up the mirror and throws it against the floor with all his might.

  
  


🔴

  
  


First, he heard the door slamming close. Then the sound of glass shattering. 

Immediately, Chën stands up with worry. He rushes into the bathroom to check on the other person and kicks the door open. 

Jongdae is sitting on the floor, slumped with his back against the bathroom wall. The broken mirror pieces shattered around him. But what made Chën’s heart almost stop is a piece of glass in Jongdae's right hand, hovering just a few millimeters shy of his left arm on his knees. 

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Chën quickly grips Jongdae's right wrist and snatches the glass shard. The sharp edges cut through his skin, but he doesn't care. He throws it as far as he could, away from Jongdae. The shard clinks against the wall. 

To his surprise, Jongdae struggles against his grip, pushes him away then crawls on the floor with trembling hands, trying to find another big shard. Chën quickly reacts, enveloping Jongdae's body from behind and pulling him close, preventing him from going further. He has to knock some sense into his counterpart. 

"STOP!" 

“ _Why?_ Why did you stop me?” Jongdae screams back at him with a hoarse voice. He keeps thrashing in his hold but Chën was not giving up either. "You want me dead, don't you? You've always hated us. I’m just quickening the process, so you don’t have to see me anymore.” 

The harsh words cut right through his heart. Chën doesn’t know why he reacted the way he did either. Was it because of the way Jongdae’s eyes looked so dead and lifeless? The way his whole body slumped, devoid of energy and hope? Or was it because of the fear that something, someone near to him, is about to be taken from him again? Chën has only started to get used to Jongdae’s presence around him. He can’t bear to lose anyone else ever again after he has lost everything he had. 

“Just, stop.”

The authority and coldness in his voice successfully make Jongdae stay still. Chën takes this opportunity to haul Jongdae out of the messy bathroom and sets him down on the living room couches. Chën takes a seat on the coffee table just in front of Jongdae. The other keeps his lips pressed together, doesn't seem like he wants to talk just yet. But Chën wants to try. He asks, this time with a softer voice. “Why did you do it?”

Jongdae looks up, his eyes are filled with anger but also brimming with tears. He inhales and exhales loudly, clearly attempting to calm himself. Soon his breathing turns short and rugged, followed by choked sobs. He bites his lips and shuts his eyes to prevent himself from crying, but Chën can see tears escaping, rolling down his cheeks. Something within Chën is itching to reach out, to wipe those tears away, but what if Jongdae pushes him away again? 

Suddenly Chën feels his hand being pulled. Jongdae holds his hand, his small fingers tracing the cuts and blood on Chën's hand, most likely injured from grabbing the shard earlier. “You’re hurt,” Jongdae whispers, about to stand to get the medical supplies. 

But Chën stops him, then yanks his hand away. “I’m fine.” After all, it is just small cuts, not a life-threatening injury. He takes in Jongdae’s chin with his other hand, forcing the other to look directly into his eyes. “But are _you_?”

Jongdae lowers his head, refusing to meet his gaze. “I’m…”

“Don’t tell me _‘I’m fine’_ . I can see it, you’re definitely _not fine_. When will you start putting yourself first?” 

Jongdae is kind and gentle, but he always does this: putting others over himself, even if he has to suffer in silence for it. And something inside of Chën doesn't like to see Jongdae suffer and cry like earlier. 

  
  


⚫

  
  


Jongdae has always thought Chën wanted to eliminate him. Chën had the perfect chance that night. He could have ignored Jongdae and let him bleed to death. 

Yet Chën saved him. Why?

With Chën's heterochromatic eyes watching his every move, Jongdae feels bare and vulnerable. He doesn't like appearing so weak in front of anybody else, especially not his former enemy. 

He expected Chën to laugh at him, to judge him, to taunt him like how he used to do when they met at the field. But no, his eyes are neutral, if anything, they look _concerned_. Chën lets Jongdae cry, soothes him with a gentle voice, and even coaxes Jongdae to tell what's troubling him. 

Is this the real Chën? Can he trust Chën?

But who else does he have? His members are not here. Jongdae thinks of how their leader Suho who was always sure of his direction looked so lost, how Baekhyun's light didn't seem as bright as it was before, how the fire disappeared Chanyeol's eyes, and how their youngest Kai and Sehun had been secretly crying. The war and things that happened broke all of them. Jongdae has always been the strong one, their pillar of support. He would only trouble them if he shows he is crumbling inside too.

But it hurts. Everything feels so heavy, pinning him down. And Jongdae can't carry them all.

After moments of silence, Jongdae finally answers. “I don’t want to live like this anymore.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“The nightmares. The past. They kept haunting me. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t escape.” 

Like a broken dam, things rush out from his mouth, from his heart. His flashbacks, his nightmares, his fears. Everything.

  
  


🔴

  
  


Chën can only listen as Jongdae rambles on. He can relate the part about losing his members. He doesn’t fully understand everything because he never experienced it himself, but what Jongdae shared overwhelms him. 

“And you’ve been trying to deal with this yourself?” 

Jongdae nods, weakly, keeping his head lowered. “It’s my problem, I can’t bother the others.”

Seeing Jongdae like this and processing the whole situation stirs a mixture of emotions inside of Chën. 

First, Chën feels upset, because Jongdae had never shared about his problems. It piled and piled on him and he quietly carried them all until it is too big and too heavy for him to handle until he is breaking apart trying to carry all the burdens. On one hand, Chën is astounded that Jongdae has managed to hang on for so long, but on the other hand, he is upset at Jongdae for not taking care of himself. Back when his comrades were still alive, Chën never liked to see them troubled, and he started to feel the same way towards Jongdae. 

Then, he feels anger, because if he, who has only lived with Jongdae for a short while could notice these things, why did his members, who have accompanied him for a longer time, didn't, and even allowed Jongdae to live by himself? If it was up to Chën, he wouldn't have left him alone. The darkness in Jongdae’s mind is consuming him inside out. And Chën doesn’t think he could forgive himself if he had been a second too late.

"You dummy," Chën sighs, exasperated. "Next time, tell me. Anything. Don't die yet, dammit."

  
  


⚫

  
  


When Jongdae wakes up the next day, he immediately goes to the bathroom knowing the mess he caused last night. Their bathroom mirror is still not replaced, but the mirror pieces and glass shards are nowhere to be seen, already swept away.

Although Jongdae is thankful, Chën is confusing him.

Since that day, Jongdae has had difficulties finding knives in the kitchen. He finds out later that Chën hid them all. 

Sometimes, Jongdae catches Chën observing him with concern in his eyes but then quickly averting his gaze when he realizes Jongdae is watching him. And it's not once or twice.

Chën is also getting more talkative, always checking on Jongdae – if he needs anything, wants to share anything. He still wakes up early and cooks breakfast, even if he doesn’t have to. Eventually, Jongdae gives in, eating the eggs Chën has cooked for them. It’s surprisingly good. He won’t admit it in front of Chën but well, at least he doesn’t have to spend money to buy breakfast before his class. And thankfully Jongdae doesn’t get a stomach ache afterward.

It’s hard to completely let go of his wariness whenever Jongdae is around Chën, but he realizes one thing. If Chën was not around, Jongdae might not have survived that day. He also realized that sharing his darkest time lifts up some of the weight that has been pinning him all this time, freeing him.

Maybe Chën is not that evil after all.

Little by little, they do more things together. Visits to grocery shopping on the weekends feel a bit more fun. It doesn't miss Jongdae's attention how Chën purposely not picking broccoli when they are in the vegetable aisle. He doesn't like broccoli and perhaps Chën is the same too, but nevertheless, the moment makes him smile a little. They still got the same cooing from the staff but now Jongdae doesn't mind it that much. 

Jongdae finds himself enjoying their little breakfast and dinner time a lot more. One time Chën forgets about his cooking on the stove, it was almost burned, and he panics trying to save their dinner. Jongdae chuckles at the chaos, but then he is surprised to catch himself laughing again after so long. He can’t forget how Chën looks so dumbfounded staring at him laughing, but his mismatched eyes soften afterward. 

One day, Chën orders pizza out of nowhere and asks Jongdae if he wants to do a movie night. It is a little weird, sitting on the couch next to his former enemy like this, but the warmth is surprisingly comforting. 

The movie is interesting and action-packed. It is quite funny too, drawing waves of laughter from both of them. Until a scene came in the movie, of a large explosion.

Jongdae is back in that place again – a deserted corridor, somewhere near the entrance of their previous hideout. He was not alone though, there was D.O. there. He saw how anxious D.O. was, the way he kept glancing back as they walked. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” D.O. smiled at him weakly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned around. “Let me go check the barrier real quick.” 

Jongdae immediately knew something was wrong. He stopped too. “Do you need me to accompany you?”

D.O. shook his head. “Just go ahead. I will join you later.” 

Still feeling off, Jongdae decided to tail behind. Suddenly, the barrier exploded in front of his eyes. He felt a strong force slamming his body to the wall. He couldn't see D.O. anymore. Deafening noises and uncomfortable ringing filled his ears before they subsided, followed by the emergency alarm sounding throughout their hideout.

_This isn’t real._

All of a sudden, chaos started to ensue around him. He remembered the shouting, the panic, the pushing, the way everything became so overwhelming – 

Jongdae doesn’t know it would be the last sentence he would hear from his friend.

_If only you were faster, this wouldn’t happen._

“Jongdae?” 

Jongdae shakes his head. _Stop._

_He shouldn't die. Yet he did. Who was with him last? Whose fault was that?_

His hands go up to cover his ears, trying to silence the other voice. _Stop thinking that way._

“JONGDAE! PLEASE ANSWER ME!” 

Fear starts building inside of him and Jongdae wants to run so badly, to escape from this terror. He blinks his eyes open and meets a pair of eyes like his own but blue and grey.

"-dae. What happened?" Chën's voice is unusually soft and filled with worry. Jongdae doesn't want to talk about it yet, everything is still so fresh in his mind as if it happened just now.

But Chën doesn't probe, instead, he pulls Jongdae into his embrace.

It’s warm. And safe. And Jongdae lets his feelings out.

🔴

  
  


Living with Jongdae was challenging in the beginning but over time Chën starts to cherish the other’s presence. 

Chën did plan to earn Jongdae’s trust, but he didn’t plan to become so close with his original, even having a movie night. He definitely never thought he would be sitting on the couch, beside Jongdae with his arms around the other, his fingers carded through Jongdae's hair, soothing him from his flashback episode or whatever he saw that caused him to panic and start screaming again. The screams came from his soul, resounding with his despair, guilt, and sadness he never managed to let out properly.

Chën lets out a sigh of relief when Jongdae stops shaking and screaming, eventually calming down.

After seeing Jongdae in the bathroom surrounded by pieces of glass that night, something within Chën had snapped. He definitely doesn’t want to see the other person as miserable and hopeless as that again. That time, Chën managed to save Jongdae from harming himself. And maybe, this time, he could help a little bit more too. 

But this is definitely more than he can handle. Jongdae has been hurt for so long. He needs more than this meager help Chën can offer, to be able to heal and properly move on. 

He might have an idea. 

  
  


⚫

  
  


“Jongdae!” 

The security guard in their unit calls him. Jongdae approaches the booth, putting on a smile despite the increasing wariness in his heart. “Yes, what’s the matter?” 

“This came in for you.” 

Jongdae receives the envelope. It is like deja vu all over again, except this time, the envelope has a properly written address and is clearly directed to him. Once he opens it, there is an invitation with time and an address stated. He thanks the old man and keeps the letter in his bag, planning to go there after his class. 

The place appears to be a psychiatry clinic. The psychiatrist, a woman wearing glasses, smiles at him warmly. Her aura is welcoming and kind, making Jongdae at ease. She asks Jongdae many things. Although he is initially hesitant, bit by bit he lets his walls down, and his feelings out. He learns that some things are not his fault. Some hours pass, and he feels much better afterward. 

Jongdae is curious about one thing though. He takes out the letter. “May I ask if it was you who sent this letter?” 

The psychiatrist shakes her head. But then she gives a knowing smile. “Well, a friend has asked me a lot of questions and looks very worried. He asks me to keep his identity a secret, but I’m pretty sure you know who he is anyway. He cares about you a lot.”

And Jongdae does have an inkling of who linked him to this psychiatrist. 

“Hey, Chën.” 

The other almost jumps off the couch, since Jongdae doesn’t turn on the light near their door when he walks in. “What?” Chën scoffs.

Jongdae takes out the letter and waves it around. “Was it you?”

Chën immediately averts his eyes, and it is almost cute to see him pouting. 

Jongdae feels the corners of his lips lift up in amusement. “Come on, who else could it be? You were the one who sent me anonymous letters before you moved in here, right? And besides, there’s only you and me here.”

Chën groans, seems annoyed, but gives in. “Well… You keep screaming at night! You're disturbing my sleep! S-so go settle your stuff so I can sleep better.” He huffs, then stands up and stomps his way to his room before slamming the door shut.

Jongdae lets out a chuckle. Despite his piercings and menacing eyes, his housemate is definitely not as evil as he appeared to be.

  
  


🔴

  
  


It has been almost a year since Chën and Jongdae started living together. A lot of things happened – fights, arguments, some relapses, also some laughs and tears – but Chën is sure of one thing: they are in much better standing than before.

“Hey.” 

“What.” Chën looks up from his dinner plate, finding Jongdae’s eyes on him. His dark circles have lessened, the sparks and liveliness in his eyes are coming back. Jongdae looks much better now and definitely sleeps better after many sessions of therapy. It also helps that Chën checks on Jongdae every night and constantly watches out for his triggers. The panic attacks and his episodes have rarely resurfaced since then.

Jongdae opens his mouth, closes it again, before he finally makes up his mind and asks, “Do you hate me, be honest.”

That is one hard question. Since the moment he opened his eyes, Chën and his fellow X-EXO members have been briefed that team EXO was the one who went astray, who lost their way, and must be punished. Hate was drilled into their minds. But hearing from Jongdae’s point of view, knowing what actually happened and how he felt, Chën feels guilty, as if a stone was dropped on his heart. Because of their actions, or more because of The Red Force’s directive, both of them lost so much. The war, the hate has caused both of them so much pain. 

Maybe it’s fate that they meet each other again. So he can understand the other and help him, even just a little bit. So the two of them can fill in the emptiness in both their hearts.

Chën weighs his options and says, “No one else could possibly feel as strongly for you as I do.”

Jongdae nods solemnly. “Damn.” 

Chën won’t say that the strong feeling he has for the other in his heart is no longer hate, though. That every time Jongdae's lips curl up into a soft smile like now, Chën has a sudden urge to touch it, to know how it feels against his.

Well, maybe one day, he will. 

**Author's Note:**

> I always love the Obsession era. It's fresh and has so much potential. 
> 
> Jongdae ever said in The Station concert: _"When I'm alone, I tend to think a lot. But it's quite dangerous, I felt that recently. When I was talking with my mother, there was something in her words that I really related to. I often found that I am my own enemy. She said, "there is a tendency for your thoughts to fall into a bad direction when you think to yourself." I'm doing well and healthy, being careful of those things."_
> 
> So I had this idea since then. I don't know if I manage to convey the concept well but I hope you enjoy reading this.


End file.
